Still Here . . .

FEELING frustrated that I haven’t written for a month. A whole month. It makes me wonder, can I even string two words together to make a coherent thought? Yet here I am, trying because I don’t want to feel frustrated and I want to express myself and I need this little place to get the jumbled words and feelings and ideas out of by brain where they are making me crazy.

THINKING about how simple life was when it was just me and the Hubby. Or when it was just us and tiny Christopher. Even two kids seemed simple compared to the four ring circus that is our life now. I wouldn’t change it at all. Our family is exactly the people it was meant to be. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes just want to chuck all the activities and commitments out the window and become a hermit family that only interacts with each other.

HEADING to The Queen’s Dish tomorrow night with an easy, hopefully tasty mango, papaya and grapefruit salad. Our little cooking group is full swing into its fifth year and going strong with twelve fantastic and funny ladies. It is my one “Girls’ Night” a month and I long for it. I always come home with aching sides from laughing and a belly full of delicious food!

READING The Book of Mormon with my husband. I am testing the theory that if I start my day in the scriptures, everything that follows will fall into place and I will have more peace in my life. I used to attempt my scripture study at night and was usually too tired to make it meaningful. I’m reading a beautiful book that has a snippet a day concerning the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It is profound and it is changing me. I’m also reading the first Harry Potter book to Owlie at night before bed and he hangs on to every word.

ATTEMPTING to go for a 1.5 mile walk every day. My only exception is if it’s raining. I don’t do wet. I have, however, already walked in several subzero days, dressed up like an Eskimo ninja and I found it strangely invigorating.

WANTING to get back into a regular pattern of writing here three days a week. I have to find a balance to make it possible. I want to write because I have things to write about, not create reasons so I can write about them. I want to feel genuine and unfettered again. I need to do it because it helps me, not because I feel a pressure to help others through writing. I want to write but be present and with my family in the moments of life.

LOVING an every other week bowling date I’ve set up with my Dad. We gave him a new bowling ball for Christmas and he is rocking it like nobody’s business. It is so fun to meet up with him, bowl a few games, cheer each other on and talk about recent newsworthy items. We are both improving in our game, too, which is an added benefit. The only real benefit I care about though is that I get alone time with my Dad. It is awesome!

GETTING healthier with my daughter. We are both trying to eliminate most processed foods from our diets and eat more whole foods,especially vegetables. It’s not easy. I love food. I love not worrying about food, but just eating it because it’s yummy. But I’m finding that veggies are so yummy and fresh just tastes better. We certainly aren’t eliminating any one thing in particular. Just watching and being more conscientious.

WATCHING Downton Abbey. I’m pretty much over the story lines from the show. They are old and tired. Too much scandal for me now. But I can’t get over the costuming. I’m sure my sweetie doesn’t want to hear me say, “Oh my gosh that hat is unbelievable!” or “Her hair is perfection!” or “I really think I need that dress in my life.” one more time. Also, Maggie Smith is so, so great and I love her.

LISTENING to Pandora Radio New Order station. All the old, good songs from my high school days like Depeche Mode, The Cure, Thompson Twins, OMD, Pet Shop Boys. And now I have completely convinced my kids that I am as old as the dinosaurs.

FINDING out that raising teenagers is really hard work. And my kids are good kids. Really good kids. But they have their moments and I walk away shaking my head and thinking about where I went wrong in raising them. I am glad that by the time RedDog is a teenager, the older two will have outgrown their moody attitude days.

TAKING nothing for granted right now. I have people who have really hard things going on in their lives and I have to acknowledge every day how blessed I am to be surrounded by my family and good friends, to have my health and a home, and to be able to live, breathe and worship God freely.