January 14, 2015

Still Here . . .


FEELING frustrated that I haven’t written for a month. A whole month. It makes me wonder, can I even string two words together to make a coherent thought? Yet here I am, trying because I don’t want to feel frustrated and I want to express myself and I need this little place to get the jumbled words and feelings and ideas out of by brain where they are making me crazy.

THINKING about how simple life was when it was just me and the Hubby. Or when it was just us and tiny Christopher. Even two kids seemed simple compared to the four ring circus that is our life now. I wouldn’t change it at all. Our family is exactly the people it was meant to be. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes just want to chuck all the activities and commitments out the window and become a hermit family that only interacts with each other.

HEADING to The Queen’s Dish tomorrow night with an easy, hopefully tasty mango, papaya and grapefruit salad. Our little cooking group is full swing into its fifth year and going strong with twelve fantastic and funny ladies. It is my one “Girls’ Night” a month and I long for it. I always come home with aching sides from laughing and a belly full of delicious food!

READING The Book of Mormon with my husband. I am testing the theory that if I start my day in the scriptures, everything that follows will fall into place and I will have more peace in my life. I used to attempt my scripture study at night and was usually too tired to make it meaningful. I’m reading a beautiful book that has a snippet a day concerning the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It is profound and it is changing me. I’m also reading the first Harry Potter book to Owlie at night before bed and he hangs on to every word.

ATTEMPTING to go for a 1.5 mile walk every day. My only exception is if it’s raining. I don’t do wet. I have, however, already walked in several subzero days, dressed up like an Eskimo ninja and I found it strangely invigorating.

WANTING to get back into a regular pattern of writing here three days a week. I have to find a balance to make it possible. I want to write because I have things to write about, not create reasons so I can write about them. I want to feel genuine and unfettered again. I need to do it because it helps me, not because I feel a pressure to help others through writing. I want to write but be present and with my family in the moments of life.

LOVING an every other week bowling date I’ve set up with my Dad. We gave him a new bowling ball for Christmas and he is rocking it like nobody’s business. It is so fun to meet up with him, bowl a few games, cheer each other on and talk about recent newsworthy items. We are both improving in our game, too, which is an added benefit. The only real benefit I care about though is that I get alone time with my Dad. It is awesome!

GETTING healthier with my daughter. We are both trying to eliminate most processed foods from our diets and eat more whole foods,especially vegetables. It’s not easy. I love food. I love not worrying about food, but just eating it because it’s yummy. But I’m finding that veggies are so yummy and fresh just tastes better. We certainly aren’t eliminating any one thing in particular. Just watching and being more conscientious.

WATCHING Downton Abbey. I’m pretty much over the story lines from the show. They are old and tired. Too much scandal for me now. But I can’t get over the costuming. I’m sure my sweetie doesn’t want to hear me say, “Oh my gosh that hat is unbelievable!” or “Her hair is perfection!” or “I really think I need that dress in my life.” one more time. Also, Maggie Smith is so, so great and I love her.

LISTENING to Pandora Radio New Order station. All the old, good songs from my high school days like Depeche Mode, The Cure, Thompson Twins, OMD, Pet Shop Boys. And now I have completely convinced my kids that I am as old as the dinosaurs.

FINDING out that raising teenagers is really hard work. And my kids are good kids. Really good kids. But they have their moments and I walk away shaking my head and thinking about where I went wrong in raising them. I am glad that by the time RedDog is a teenager, the older two will have outgrown their moody attitude days.

TAKING nothing for granted right now. I have people who have really hard things going on in their lives and I have to acknowledge every day how blessed I am to be surrounded by my family and good friends, to have my health and a home, and to be able to live, breathe and worship God freely.


Apis Melliflora said...

So glad you could find time to post again because your posts are like a windowful of sunshine.

Also grateful I will be able to ask you the hard raising teenager parenting questions as the years continue.

I'm with you on leaning toward Hermit family, especially in the winter when the hibernation instinct also kicks in.

Stacey Gerlach Moe said...

Welcome back! I have missed you and your posts. You inspire me so thanks for continuing your blog.

AllisonK said...

I love your posts. You inspire and delight me.

The Queen Vee said...

What a nice surprise....you're writing again.

You need to do it for you and your family.

We love all love that you let us read what you write.

Janie said...

I'm so glad that you shared all that with us. I love how are able to organize your life and think about things through writing about them. I am always inspired by you. I would love to know what book you are reading about the atonement and I would love you to post what veggies and how you are cooking them etc. I need more veggies in my life and I'm not sure how to make it exciting. maybe your posts will help me :)

TracyS. said...

I am always so glad to read your thoughts and ideas.

Kernal Ken said...

lWell, I had stopped looking for Compound Eye after several weeks of no posts. But Sambo surprised me with a flood of new and wonderful thoughts and pics. As to the bowling, it is fun to be together in an almost empty bowling alley and watch each other TRY, TRY, TRY to get that last pin for a spare. I am very blessed to have two wonderful daughters and two marvelous sons, plus those all thanks to my beautiful Queen. Those who have married into this family are also spectacular additions and the parents of our 13 Grandies. We are indeed thankful for so many blessings!