Thoughts on Admiration & Emulation . . .

My grandmother Louise Cutler Nelson

Get ready for the deep, dark musings of a wayward blogger. The past few weeks have been a great opportunity for me to decompress and reassess why it is that I blog. 

So have a seat.  I’m feeling a little chatty today.

Back in early August I decided I’d lost my way. The summer had filled me up with all sorts of doubts about myself. That my writing was simply there to fill the space instead of record my treasured thoughts.  That I was searching for validation from readers instead of really knowing my worth inside myself.  That I couldn’t live up to the expectations I’d created or be as good as other bloggers out there. That my life had almost become a parody of itself – me doing things and taking pictures of things just so I would have a blog post done and could check it off my list, but feeling no satisfaction in any of it. 

I was having blogger’s depression bad and I wanted to quit.  All I could think was “WHY? Why do I even keep doing this?”

Then one afternoon, I was doing a little research for my daughter. on her ancestors.  I pulled a family biography down off the shelf and leafed through the pages looking for something inspiring for Hannie B. to share with her peers at church that evening.

My eyes finally rested on an image of the woman above.  She is my grandmother, Louise Cutler Nelson. Sadly, I never knew her.  She died when my mother was a teenager. And though my mom has shared bits and pieces about her over the years, she has still remained a mystery to me for the most part.

But as I read about her that day, something happened. It wasn’t just that my eyes filled with tears and brimmed over while my chest heaved and I sobbed out loudly.  It wasn’t even about the grief and loss that I suddenly felt wash over me for my mother who has been such a constant support and anchor to me, especially during my adult life.  It  was that in reading about this woman, my grandmother, I felt a connection, an understanding, and a purpose for me and my little blog.  It was right in front of me, typeset on a page in a book about my flesh and blood – the reasons I was trying to find in myself to continue blogging.

Of my grandmother it was said:

“As I look back on my association with Louise I feel that she was one of God’s most noble souls… In her service she has touched and influenced for good all those who have had the privilege of coming in contact with her…

Many of the homes in this area have felt her influence. They are more beautiful - are more homelike – are more like unto a place that borders on the realms of heaven because of the influence which she has exerted in the lives of those whom she has taught, in the lives of those whom she has had the opportunity of service.

She was an ambitious person. She worked unceasingly. She liked to learn.  She loved beauty. She took every opportunity to manifest it. She loved to accomplish. She loved to teach those things which were dear to hear heart that others might share in accomplishment.

She was an extremely noble woman – an entirely wonderful Christian woman. She was a devoted wife, a wonderful mother and was proud of her children.”

To touch and influence lives for good.

To help others make their homes more heavenly.

To teach and to serve.

To work and to learn.

To love beauty and to manifest it.

To accomplish and to share in accomplishment.

To be a noble Christian woman, a devoted wife and a wonderful mother who is proud of her children.

This is why I will continue to blog.

Thank you Grandma for teaching me about admiration and emulation.

{excerpts taken from Ralph Cutler by Alice May Cutler}