Excuse my while I whine for one moment.
My computer has decided it would no longer like to be friends with Blogger. Which is a shame because Blogger and I have been friends for like, forever {or three years}. So I'm mad at my computer. And I'm considering a new friend like WordPress or SquareSpace. And I'm blogging on my old computer, which is even more painfully slow than ever since being taken over by my almost-a-teenager.
Okay, enough whining. Except for one more thing about that almost-a-teenager. His hair is long. As in Justin Bieber long, but with little flippy wings on the side and in the back. I really like it. He thinks it is awesome. What is not awesome, however, is the conversation we had for the millionth time last night about why he does not need a cell phone. I heard, "Aww, Mom!" no less than twenty times.
I need readers to weigh in here - not that it will sway my decision - but I am curious. Do you let your young kids have cell phones? If so, why? Big C gave me five reasons why he needed one last night and I was easily able to shoot down each reason within seconds. Especially the "But ALL my friends have one!" reason. Really, the cell phone issue deserves its own post. So tell me what you think and then we'll talk about it. Or I'll talk about it and you can just shake your head in disbelief. You know.
ps. He's going to a 7th grade Pumpkin Patch Bonfire tonight. It's the same one he begged us NOT to chaparone. Why? Why do they have to grow up?
My computer has decided it would no longer like to be friends with Blogger. Which is a shame because Blogger and I have been friends for like, forever {or three years}. So I'm mad at my computer. And I'm considering a new friend like WordPress or SquareSpace. And I'm blogging on my old computer, which is even more painfully slow than ever since being taken over by my almost-a-teenager.
Okay, enough whining. Except for one more thing about that almost-a-teenager. His hair is long. As in Justin Bieber long, but with little flippy wings on the side and in the back. I really like it. He thinks it is awesome. What is not awesome, however, is the conversation we had for the millionth time last night about why he does not need a cell phone. I heard, "Aww, Mom!" no less than twenty times.
I need readers to weigh in here - not that it will sway my decision - but I am curious. Do you let your young kids have cell phones? If so, why? Big C gave me five reasons why he needed one last night and I was easily able to shoot down each reason within seconds. Especially the "But ALL my friends have one!" reason. Really, the cell phone issue deserves its own post. So tell me what you think and then we'll talk about it. Or I'll talk about it and you can just shake your head in disbelief. You know.
ps. He's going to a 7th grade Pumpkin Patch Bonfire tonight. It's the same one he begged us NOT to chaparone. Why? Why do they have to grow up?
19 comments:
I live next door to a lovely family with 3 boys ages 11, 12 and 14. They have two cell phones between them. They are always fighting over them, talking to girls and texting girls. These, like I said, really are lovely boys. But they (with the apparent consent of their parents) all have girlfriends and spend most of the night talking to any manner of females. To this I say - Why?? And seriously, to the parents of these girls... DOUBLE WHY?? I love these boys, but if they were mine - they'd lose cell phones pronto. One has already gotten in trouble for something very close to sexting. (and the girl started it. I really think girls with cell phones as adolescents is dangerous. they have no real filter or judgment and neither do the boys but they'll say things over a text that they'd NEVER say to someone's face.)
However, we now have 3 cell phones in the house. 1 is mine, 1 is Talons and 1 is the home phone. If for some reason (that I haven't encountered yet) Logan needs a cell phone. I'll send him with that one. But it's borrowed and will be returned to me upon return. I guess I can sort of conceive of a time where maybe he'd be sent somewhere without me?? or something??
Whatever. Phones are dumb until the kid is off on his/her own for extended periods of time and it becomes a safety issue. Before then, it's just another way to socialize and get in trouble.
But oh -
I HATE long hair - Beiber or otherwise - on boys. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that I've been in an Army environment my whole life but it just looks disrespectful and grungy to me.
But I still love your son. I'd just like to attack him with clippers.
My take on cell phones varies. The world my (step) kids are growing up is different from what I experienced in that land-lines are increasingly rare and their lives seem more distributed rather than anchored to a friends house or whatever.
In terms of cell phones for kids, I see the primary justification being need...not want. I am FAR less concerned with what their friends have and far more interested in what I need in order to give them the latitude to experience life, yet still allow me some manner of comfort in terms of keeping an eye on them.
Unfortunately, their biological father and I aren't on the same page on this one, so even the 10 year old had an iPhone before I did... :(
We're going through the same thing with the girl child off and on now that she has entered middle school. Apparently, aalllllll her friends have them. To this I say - SO?
I told her, the day she has a crazy enough schedule that I am not able to keep on top of it is the day she will get a phone.
And btw, I'm finding that it's her classmates with older (teenage) siblings who are getting these phones so early. I wonder, were they the first, if their parents would be so indulging.
My 14 year old has long hair AND a cell phone **gasp**. There are a few reasons and I'm not claiming that any of them are good reasons...
1-The child gets perfect grades. If the grades are less than perfect the cell phone gets taken away for a quarter.
2-The hair issue was becoming a thorn in all of our sides...we decided to "choose our battles" and let it go. He attends church without complaint, he does well in school, he is helpful around the house, and he is extremely respectful to his father and I. If he shaves a mohawk or dyes his hair funky colors we'll definitely have a battle, but he gets it trimmed regularly, and I think he's the cutest 14 year old I know--long "justin beiber" hair and all.
3-He plays club baseball, which means he practices at least 3 times a week that can sometimes go as late as 10 p.m. His younger brother (12 year old, who doesn't have a cell phone) also plays club baseball with the same type of schedule. It gives me some peace of mind when I drop the 14 year old off at practice, to attend the 12 yr. olds practice, to know that if he needs me, I'm just a phone call away.
The 12 year old is begging for a cell, but his grades are HORRIBLE, and he knows that until they improve we'll never get him one. With that said, if the grades were where they should be, I would have no issue getting him one. It's a selfish thing, too, wanting to be able to get a hold of them at any time.
I should point out that the cell phone comes with stipulations: the grades are one, respectful behavior is another. I also pay for "Parental Controls". He cannot receive or send calls or texts during the hours of 9 a.m. and 2 p.m.--school hours--except to me or his dad. Also, the same applies from 9 p.m. to 6 a.m.
He has to show me the phone (texts) whenever I ask, without hesitation or immediate deletion of said texts, and I have to say that he has been more than willing to do this. Also, the cell phone is in my possession on Sunday (actually when he goes to bed Saturday night until he wakes up Monday morning).
It has worked out well for us so far. It is also something that is very individual. What works for us might not work for someone else. And, to be honest, it's constantly evolving. Maybe by the time my #4 gets to be old enough, I'll have it figured out, but I'm not holding my breath!! :)
Good luck!
I am against the cell phone thing for tweens. If they need to call you, they can use on of their friends' phones, especially since they ALL have them. :)
Owen says he'd like an opportunity to counter every one of your counters. (He's rooting for Big C).
I say Owen might well be a lawyer someday and I also say "Hold out." He can always borrow a friend's cell phone if there's a true emergency. If your bright son convinces you, however, then make sure he's a part of the payment plan.
Harry is 12 too, and we haven't let him have a cell phone either. I am routine shocked at all the digital gadgets parents these days buy and allow their young children to have and usually misuse. Kids definitely don't need a cell phone, or their own laptop, etc. I survived without a cell phone until just a few years ago. An interesting observation: I think there is varying degrees of social pressure involving this depending on where you live. We've found kids to be less entitled to all that stuff here than in Seattle. Is there a correlation to affluence or moral values? Maybe, maybe not. Cell phone for kids are not age appropriate and a huge time-wasted and can spell trouble. Just my two cents.
Yesterday my 9 year old asked when he could get a cell phone. I told him when he could pay for it himself. Maybe I meant that (or maybe I wanted to put the conversation off.)
I think cell phone for kids are a lousy idea. Our neighbor girl in our old house had a cell phone that she was either lost or turned off. She never answered the dang thing so it didn't really offer her parents any piece of mind as to her whereabouts. Anyway, after watching her with a cell phone, I decided not for my kids.
I got Blake a phone before he went into 7th grade because he was always gone with sports and school and he needed rides at different times. We gave him the phone with strict rules. The biggest one is that he had no texting. We blocked it completely off of his phone. His phone also has a "phone curfew." It is in my room at 9:00pm and charges in my room. So if any of his friends think they are going to call him late at night, they are shocked when his mom answers the phone. I have found that the "excitement" of the phone wears off fast because he can't text. He really only uses it when he must. Kids today only text so if they need to get a hold of him they will call him. Good luck with your decision. Just for your info, even though he has a phone, I am still the meanest mom ever because everyone has texting except him. Oh well right!?
Hi Dragonfly, Honeyducks here. Interesting question. We have 2 family tracphones, for "checkout" on as as-needed basis. Texting is generally frowned-upon, and has hardly been used. J got quite turned off on cell phones when she was in middle school because she was rather frustrated with the way they caused her friends to be CONSTANTLY distracted. She never said she wanted a cell phone then, and I don't think she wants one any more. H says he thinks he is perhaps one of a handful of kids at the middle school who doesn't have a cell phone. He has not expressed a wish to have one.
Our feeling as a family: cell phones are a tool for a specific purpose, and we are comfortable with keeping it that way. I am grateful that J & H can see the drawbacks of excessive cell phone use. I am not sure they would have realized this if they were like "all the other kids".
P.S. Best alternative for a girl: buy her a horse. Best alternative for a boy: buy him a dog.
My 13 year old got a phone last year for Christmas. I wanted her to get the phone, because with our busy schedules, I wanted us to be in contact. She has no internet and we also have the grades rule. I took it away at the end of the school year last year, because she had some missing assignments. Honestly, she doesn't use it very much. She just texts me and her cousins, who live in a different state. She's my responsible child. It the next one that worries me! She's nine and already bugging me about one!
If he got a cell phone it would cover up some of his really cute hair-do. So I say no to the celly!!!
Let him try the old person cell phone that just has buttons and nothing else. Plus the buttons are really large so it won't hinder his eyesight!
Anything you can bribe him with for his to get a cell? Does he need to do anything better around the house, be nicer to his siblings, stay consistent on chores? Maybe you could make this something that is positive for you by working him to the bone and making him earn that celly.
I don't know. He sounds like a great kid and great kids make great choices. Dan (my hubby) has a little brother named Lenny who is 12. He has had a cell phone for a few years. But he is a great kid that makes great choices 100% of the time so I bit my tongue when he first got a cell (which I felt was totally inappropriate) and have watched him use it extremely responsibly for the last few years. In fact he calls his mom and dad at least 3times a day to check in with them!
So although I think it's silly for a kid (teenager, excuse me) to have a cell, your kid would probably use it the right way.
Sincerely,
The Evil Devils advocate
My son is in 7th grade. We are careful to monitor his cell use. We allowed him to have one because of sports and when he is not with us (with friends) to check on him. We have not had any problems. It really is part of our world now. Our family texts each other when we are apart from one another. We even text our extended family (cousins and family all over the world, even college cousins) To me it feels like it makes our world a little smaller. It tells them I am thinking of you, checking on you. I understand the apprehension, but for our family it was the right decision. My nephew who is a teenager even used the phone as a way to get out of situations with kids he didn't want to go along with. He would text my sister-in-law, 'call me now and tell me I have to come home'. For us, the good outweighs any possible abuse. I think you have to look at the needs and personality of your family and where you live. How much time they are apart from you? I am much more worried about other technology like the internet or violent video games or media. Also, long hair on boys is popular here too. So far my son likes the crew cut or a little longer (easier for sports).
total fly-by here, you don't know me, but we have a mutual friend. (hilary boyer)
my kids are still tiny, but i CRINGE at the thought of them having cell phones. i hate them. i hate mine. my husband is ym president and all the young men text him every monday night asking what they'll be doing the next day for mutual. they text him for everything! his boss texts him! i hate it.
so none of this information is useful to you, just wanted to throw it out there. :)
i love your blog!
my 3 big girls (11, 15, 17) have cell phones. It started when they were walking to and from elementary school we got the oldest a phone. I'm nervous this way. They called when they arrived and when they are on their way home. So as each girl got older they kept the phone. It's been convenient when they are away from home. We only recently added texting, which we monitor very closely.
We have a serious cell phone policy and I've only had to take a phone away once. It works for my safety neurosis.
Touchy subject. Ideally I would like my kids to be 15 or 16 before they get a cell phone. There would be strict rules governing the use of the cell phone. Good grades, no texting or calling late at night, and of course good behavior. I want my kids to understand that a cell phone is a privilege and not a "right of tweenhood."
Sorry Big C. You can't have a cell phone. Not yet anyway.
My daughter is 12, and has had one for a year. I like it because she can get in touch with me when she needs to if she is at dance (she is a competitive dancer and spends alot of time at the dance studio) or if she is at a friend's house. I realize she could find a land line at these places, but there have been other instances where she could not and needed to call me. I think it's primarily a safety thing. She knows that I can (and do) check her texts and texts she receives, and that she will lose the phone if she needs to be punished for any reason (it's excellent "currency" for them if you need to take something away, which I rarely do for her but at least it's there).
On a more unimportant level - everyone pretty much DOES have them - and right or not, I don't want her to be the only of her friends that doesn't have one. It only costs us $10 more per month and the phone was a cheap one that she received as a birthday gift, so I don't see it as an extravagance.
Just my two cents!
Ok, you know me I'm what you call a strict mom--we don't have cable--in fact my kids really don't watch any tv (we only have the local channels), we don't do sleepovers and I have very strict on what movies my kids see, BUT my 11 year daughter does have a cell phone. It makes me and my husband feel safer when she is at school, with friends, or elsewhere that she can contact us at any time or that we can contact her at any time. Of course there are rules attached with the PRIVILEGE! And she truly understands it is a privilege not a right to have one. It is used basically for emergency purposes. She does not have interent access, but she does have texting ability. She's had her cell phone for over a year and most of her friends still do not know she even has one. She only texts me and my husband, but one of the rules is that she is not allowed to delete anything and we can spot check her and check her phone weekly. I know it is a very personal decision for each family, but for us it gives me peace of mind.
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