Spinning …

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Have you ever ridden on the swings at a carnival or amusement park?  I have.  But only once.  As soon as the ride started, I knew something was terribly wrong. Because once I got up in the air, everything in my vision began spinning no matter how hard I tried to focus on a fixed point, my head began to ache with a dull thudding at my temples and my stomach began churning uncontrollably.  It was  a torturously long three minutes in my teenaged life.  I got off the swings, ran into an alleyway and vomited profusely on a cute boy’s shoes.  It was memorable.

I’m sure you can imagine how excited I was when four weeks ago I experienced my first bout of vertigo.  Then two weeks later it happened again.  And three days ago it happened again.

It’s a lot like the carnival ride. I wake up and open my eyes to find that the world is askew and moving very fast.  I close my eyes and immediately feel like I’m falling from a high building.  I move my head and suddenly my stomach tells me to run! Run to the toilet!  When I try to stand up, I am rocked to my very core as everything around me is falling and moving and spinning.  It is uncontrollable and frightening.

I spend the next four to eight hours on the bathroom floor with my face pressed to the cool tile and a fan running to temper my sweaty brow.  My only goal is to not move a single inch, because if I do, I vomit.

So yeah, it’s pretty much like the carnival. Except there is no cotton candy, there are no prizes for getting a ring around the bottle and there is absolutely zero fun to be had.

My ear doctor is working with me.  My family doctor is working with me. My family and friends are working to help me. The only thing not working with me is my body.

Once upon a time, not too long ago, I called myself “a healthy individual”.  Now, I cannot. Right now I am a bit of a medical freak show.  I’m trying to keep my wits about me and just keep going.  I can’t stop – this family is too busy for that.  But I am so very FRUSTRATED with my body.

I just want it to everything to work right and feel calm.  Not like the crazy spinning rides at the carnival, but more like the ferris wheel – still a participant, still moving around, just a bit slower so I can actually take in what’s going on all pleasant like.