June 14, 2011

Be A Builder: Start With Yourself . . .

I haven’t written about building in a while.  It is constantly on my mind though and I’ve been thinking about something in particular for a few weeks now.  The thought that keeps coming back to my mind is:

How can we build up and love other women if we don’t love ourselves?

A speaker at church said something in his remarks a few weeks ago that caught my attention related to this very topic.  His bold statement was this: that Satan purposefully distracts us with lies and false beliefs which he plants in our minds for the specific intention of destroying our happiness, joy and ability to love ourselves and others.

He then asked the congregation to listen to a list of these lies and false beliefs while mentally noting how many of them we currently believed. Here is his list {and I encourage you, as you read them, to see if there are any YOU currently believe about yourself}:

  1. I am worthless.
  2. I am so bad that God is punishing me.
  3. God has abandoned me.
  4. The Savior can help and heal other people, but He can’t help and heal me.
  5. I have to be perfect to love myself and to be loved by others, including God.
  6. If I was worthy, I wouldn’t have the problems and difficulties I am facing.
  7. I am a failure and therefore there is no hope for me.
  8. My worth is tied to my job or how much money I have.
  9. My worth is tied to how I look or how much I weigh.
  10. Things will never change – they will never get any better.
  11. I am just fine the way I am and I am not open to change or feedback.
  12. The emptiness I feel inside can be filled by: food, wealth, power, alcohol, drugs, pornography or illicit sexual relationships.
  13. Marital intimacy is wrong.
  14. I am unworthy of a loving relationship.
  15. I cannot open myself up to my spouse because I might get hurt again.

{List from talk given by Sherm Smith, Leesburg, Virginia, May 2011}

This list struck me in a profound way.  As I listened to it being read, I thought to myself, “These are the things women tell themselves. This is why women don’t know how wonderful they are. They can’t see their own innate beauty and worth. They have lost sight of the truth about themselves.”

Do you relate to this list? Do you only see your weaknesses and never your strengths? Are you focused on the ugly when there is so much that is amazing about you?

I’m here to say that I can be guilty of buying into some of the falsehoods I listed above.  And I could easily add ‘I am not as talented as so-and-so and therefore have nothing to offer’ or ‘I’m just a housewife and mother, what do I know?’.

If you’re reading this today and nothing on the list looked familiar, congratulations! You should be out building up other women with your strength, confidence and love.  But if you’re like most of us, and any number on the list struck a chord, will you do me a little favor?


If you want – you can leave it in the comments section and we’ll all be nodding our heads in agreement to how wonderful you are. Or you can keep it to yourself tucked away in a nightstand or taped to a bathroom mirror or stuck to your refrigerator.

The point is, you need to love yourself, whoever you are. You need to start viewing yourself in a positive light. I think it is the first step to being able to build up other women. God loves you. And this little Dragonfly loves you. Now stop reading and go start writing.

PS. Five things that make me wonderful:

  • I have awesomely strong fingernails.
  • My smile is big enough that all my teeth show.
  • I am a loyal and true friend.
  • I can make lots of things cheaper than I could buy them.
  • I’m a fun mom.


Laura@livingabigstory said...

Wow! I was just thinking about this idea, about how much of my self-talk is not positive. Thanks so much for sharing this encouragement -- I like the notion of being a builder of myself. I'm going to make my list!

Aiketa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aiketa said...

Thanks for that reminder Samantha. It's so important to be a builder of oneself. Just a few weeks ago I was so down one day and only could think negative things of myself. My friends were real builders with me that day.

My 5 things list:
- Loyal and trusty friend.
- I have a positive outlook on life.
- Big beautiful brown-green eyes.
- I love and respect nature and all animals.
- I am a blood (nowadays) and organ donor (the day I die).

MelancholySmile said...

What a great post, and one that I know I need to remind myself of everyday.

You ARE a loyal and true friend. Even though we've never met in person, I count you as one of my truest. :)

Apis Melliflora said...

So true. We are so much better at offering comfort, compassion and support to others when our own tank is mostly full.

My five
1) I have a way with words (on paper)
2) I can make yummy food if I choose to.
3) I have a lot of hair.
4) I am intimate friends with Divine Gratitude.
5) I mostly see the glass half full.

Susan said...

love this post!

Anonymous said...

Amazing post Sam. This is exactly what I needed today. I've been thinking that mostly my self worth is tied to how clean and organized my home is. Somehow I've come to believe that if only my basement were organized my self worth would be ship-shape.

* My name is cool and I get asked about it's origins often.

*My vocab is expansive and I'm not afraid to wield it.

*I can edit a so-so photo and turn it into super duper.

*I have compassion towards my fellow man.

*I adore my children and I love being their Mom.

The Queen Vee said...

You are those 5 things and about 1000 more equally as positive.

west wind said...

I love your list! Today, mine is:
1. i am healthy
2. i have a wonderful family
3. i am comfortable with the way i am in the world
4. i love making people laugh
5. i love my friends and they love me back

what a nice list to generate at lunch! xo, michaela

Emily said...

I just love this post even though it's too late to think of five things at this moment, that would take too much brain power right now. Maybe in the morning:)