{Me, circa Eighth Grade 1986}
Last night I attended Back To School Night at the Middle School. Upon entering the building, I was given my son’s schedule and told to go to each of his classes for a nine minute presentation with a three minute passing period between classes.
I fumbled nervously with the map of the school while trying to locate the first class. I passed by other parents in the halls, sometimes bumping elbows, sometimes offering a quick smile at a maybe familiar face, sometimes just pressing my back up against the lockers, waiting for the mayhem to settle.
I went to each class, picking a neutral seat somewhere towards the middle and took notes on the presentations. Some parents came in couples. Others were by themselves like me but came right in and found friends from their neighborhood or child’s soccer team. They conversed happily with each other and I felt very much alone.
I finished up the night, came home, plopped myself on the couch and thought about how awkward the night was for me. I felt like a Middle Schooler all over again. Lonely, insecure, friendless, lost – all those feelings resurfacing and playing tricks on my adult brain.
It was weird.
And then the Hubby and I had a conversation about my current lack of intimate friends. He suffers from the same problem but acknowledged that for a guy, and especially a guy who works with and talks to other adults all day, it is different. I am mostly here at the house with my Ollie boy who loves his naps but I long for the close friendships that used to fill my days with lunch dates, phone calls and outings to the park.
We committed, as a couple, to host more social engagements at our house. And by more, I mean at least one, since currently we are socially stagnant.
And I went to bed committed to write letters to some of my lifelong friends just to tell them how much I appreciate them for always being there and for loving me even when I was awkward. Oh wait . . . I still am.
PS. It has to be said that I am completely fine just being with my man – he is the best company ever – but a girl needs girlfriends, right?
PPS. You love my Eighth Grade hair, don’t you? Lots of gel and a fierce perm. Classic Eighties. And I’m totally rocking the Outback Red. Does anyone remember Outback Red?
10 comments:
That photo is the Sammy I know and love. Especially the Outback Red. I think that's why we became friends!
And, we still need to talk!!
Love You
Oh, junior high, those were some of my worst years. Not fun! I'm with you, with no real close friends, nearby anyways, but I really don't have time right now in my life, sad as that is. I have a hard enough time keeping good relations with the people who live within my own walls. I don't know how women have multiple close friends and have time to do things with them all the time? You've always been really good at that, having people over for dinner often and making an effort.
That picture is like looking in the mirror. But I'm not brave enough to pull my middle school shots out of the attic just yet (or ever=-). You're brave and graceful and lovely. Even your awkwardness is eloquent. Just like adolescence, this time will pass.
Oh, eight grade... *shudder*. I too have had moments that make me feel like a middle schooler again, but for the most part I'm just very, very grateful to have that over with. I think I've spent my entire life waiting to be 30 and comfortable. :)
I'm with Melancholy, so glad to be out of middle school and high school and DO NOT want to do it or go back there again. But you don't have to be that age to feel lonely and outside the group. In a few years Oliver will be in school and there will be plenty of time for friendships, hate to tell though, but those friendships will mostly be with kids who are in middle school and high school. Remember, your friends are my friends. Just keep enjoying that baby cause soon he won't be one and remember also, I'm your friend too.
Oh, Sam, I so understand your feelings. It is so easy to become isolated when you've chosen to be a SAHM. I feel lonely a lot. I think I'm scared to initiate close friendships now, because in the past, just as I was making friends, we'd move and I'd have to start all over :( And life w/4 kids is so dang busy, it's hard to find time to be social.
I don't think you're awkward...you're a self-possessed woman and I think of you as a good friend.
Wow you just described my situation, including the "we need to be more social" part with my hubby. It takes effort and planning though. I feel the need for a girlfriend heart to heart and there's not anyone filling that bill for me right now either. Wish you were here!
We all definately need to have those important friendship relationships. They get us through tough times and are there to celebrated the good times. Your friendship means the world to me and I am grateful for it.
Reading this nearly a month later and feel the need to say "That's US, too!" Believe it or not, I'm kind of a reserved person, too, and with as much as John works, it's just HARD.
We should "do lunch" one day. :)
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