Thank. You. Stephanie.
Last night I lay in bed next to my Hubby in the dark and blurted out, "I have no friends." He laughed at me and replied, "You have no friends? No, I have no friends." I'm sure he was wondering why I would say such a silly thing when I have many wonderful friends, including several with whom I am very close.
I made the snap decision that it was too late to delve deeply into my feelings and just said "Never mind." But as I was falling asleep, my mind was formulating the actual answer, which had something to do with feeling pretty lonely right now during my days at home, going nowhere, talking to no other adults, doing the same monotonous household tasks over and over, but never getting any particular one done between feedings, changings and attending to a pretty fussy baby.
Here I am, only weeks away from my "four month fog" timeline, and I feel nowhere close to being any kind of normal societally functioning human being. Maybe what I meant when I said I have no friends is that I don't feel like I'm a good friend right now because I'm not a part of what's going on in the lives of my friends and I feel very detached from what my life used to be before I had the baby.
Whenever I start to feel this way I get on my little computer and go visit a friend who doesn't even know she's a friend. And this is where my three words come in today. I click that little button right there on the left of my blog that says "I read Nie Nie" and suddenly I have perspective again. If you have not read Stephanie Nielsen's blog, today is the day you should go take a look. Her post this morning snapped me right out of my whiny, hormonal, post-baby rant about not having friends. Her before and after life is a constant reminder to me of how grateful one can be for blessings amidst true hardship and rediscovery. And today she reminded me that even when I feel like I have no friends, there is One Friend who is always there for me.
Thank you Stephanie.