Dear Wonderful Person Reading This:
I have lost my voice.
For the past few weeks I’ve come to this little place of mine with the intention of speaking in the form of writing and my voice has been weak, shaky, or altogether gone.
I love this blog. I love the people I’ve met and reconnected with through writing it. I have felt one of God’s gifts to me being manifested as I’ve shared my thoughts, feelings and musings in my little corner of the internet for seven years.
But I have always known that if I ever came to a place where the things I wanted to say ceased coming easily and I couldn’t translate my thoughts into words, I would have to step back and reevaluate why I was here and what I was doing.
I have come to that place. I am experiencing blogger’s laryngitis and it is painful.
Mostly it hurts because I feel like I am letting other people down. My family, whose record this is, several of my friends who are devoted readers, and many of you whom I’ve never met in person, but have come to love over these years as you have lifted me up with your kindness and generosity in simply coming here to read what I have to say.
It also hurts because I feel a deep sense of loss. Why am I stumbling with my words and thoughts now? What if I don’t ever get back in to a “groove” of regular writing? Why is this even happening? This blog has been a place of security for me for so long, like a true friend I know I can always turn to when I’ve got something to say and need a good listener. Now it feels like the used to be good friend I’m avoiding like the plague.
So what does this mean? Well, the very fact that I’m posting this late in the afternoon (gasp!) and on a Friday (for shame!), means I’m hoping none of you will be mad at me or sad at me until at least Monday. It means that I will no longer be disappointed in myself for not being on a regular five posts a week schedule. It means that I will be happy enough if I post once a week, twice a week, or not at all in a week. It means that many of you may stop stopping by, and I understand that because the world of blogging is a world of consistency. It means that I am going to refocus, reenergize and then reunite with this blog only when I do not look at the computer with guilt or heaviness and think, “Oh man, I have to blog” but instead think, “I’ve got something to share that I’m excited about or think is really important.”
Thank you for being a reader of my words. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for understanding that I have put a whole lot of myself into this place I love.
Please forgive me that I am not what I was. And be patient as I become who I should be.
With Sincerity, The Dragonfly (Samantha Lee)