Yesterday was a BIG day. My little Owl marched down a large hall strapped into his backpack. He walked right into a room filled with kids he’d never met, hung his coat in a cubby and declared, “I a big boy. I go to school now.”
And with that declaration, my beating heart was torn in two.
No! You’re not a big boy. You’re just my baby. I still snuggle you to sleep at night and stroke your cheek with my hand while your breath comes hard and fast. You are small enough that I can carry you if I want to and we both like it. You want to sit on my lap and eat from my plate. You come running to me with an ouchie and I kiss you and wipe your tears.
How can you be in school?
But I am so proud of you. So happy that you went right in and sat down with Miss Heidi. You listened and learned. You heard stories and played nicely with the other girls and boys. After three hours, I came back to get you and heard crying in the classroom. But it wasn’t you! You were sitting neatly, criss-cross-applesauce, on the carpet waiting patiently for me.
In that moment, I saw the Big Boy you and cried a little on the inside.
Then you jumped up and gleefully declared, “Mamma!” and ran into my arms with a whispered, “I miss you so much!”
Oh, Owlie, how are we going to be apart twice a week? Will I wander the halls of Target feeling lonely for you forever? Will I keep looking at the clock, willing it forward until it’s finally pick up time? Will you always miss me?
This you getting bigger thing isn’t working out so well for me. I think I’m going to have to demand that you stay three. Forever.
Because my heart needs you sweet little best buddy.