December 12, 2012

The Post Wherein My Heart Is Torn …

Yesterday was a BIG day.  My little Owl marched down a large hall strapped into his backpack.  He walked right into a room filled with kids he’d never met, hung his coat in a cubby and declared, “I a big boy. I go to school now.” 

And with that declaration, my beating heart was torn in two.

No! You’re not a big boy. You’re just my baby.  I still snuggle you to sleep at night and stroke your cheek with my hand while your breath comes hard and fast. You are small enough that I can carry you if I want to and we both like it.  You want to sit on my lap and eat from my plate. You come running to me with an ouchie and I kiss you and wipe your tears.

How can you be in school?

But I am so proud of you. So happy that you went right in and sat down with Miss Heidi.  You listened and learned.  You heard stories and played nicely with the other girls and boys. After three hours, I came back to get you and heard crying in the classroom. But it wasn’t you! You were sitting neatly, criss-cross-applesauce, on the carpet waiting patiently for me.

In that moment, I saw the Big Boy you and cried a little on the inside.

Then you jumped up and gleefully declared, “Mamma!” and ran into my arms with a whispered, “I miss you so much!”

Oh, Owlie, how are we going to be apart twice a week?  Will I wander the halls of Target feeling lonely for you forever? Will I keep looking at the clock, willing it forward until it’s finally pick up time? Will you always miss me?

This you getting bigger thing isn’t working out so well for me. I think I’m going to have to demand that you stay three. Forever.

Because my heart needs you sweet little best buddy.


The Queen Vee said...

Ah yes, transitions. They just keep happening as there is no stopping time and you really don't want to stop just think you do.

Owlet, you're a cute student.

christy said...

Oh, be still my heart. I don't know what I'll do when Claire goes next year. I'll probably have a little cry and then walk the aisles of Target. It's definitely a bittersweet moment.

Bells said...

Oh, I just got a little teary-eyed. He is so precious and I know exactly what you mean about your baby getting big. It's so hard! Along those lines, I sold my kids play kitchen, table and chairs this week, and I cried a little inside to give up that little part of their childhood.

Aiketa said...

Oh, these photos of Owlie are so cute!!! Both of them, but the one of him with his teacher... I'm melting...
I totally get how you feel, but your mom is so wise and probably she is so very right about what she said.
And I will just add that with every new step there are things left behind, but it also brings new ones.

I am also thinking of how much Owlie will have grown until the day that we met in person... I hope not that much because this would mean not that much time would have passed.

P.S: I feel like today is not my day with English... and that my sentences above don't sound that good... but I just hope that you still understand them.

squeezeme said...

Oh my, such a ginormous and life changing transition. Up until this year Anthon has only done a 1 day mom's preschool coop. (he needed more than that....I was not ready!) And ironically my field was Early Childhood education! Anthon jumped straight to 4 mornings a week. (Althought he did turn 5 on week 3 of school.) He is thriving! So happy. His momma has adjusted and I'm so happy because he is.

Good for your momma for listening to his cues of readiness! Two mornings a week is just perfect.

Lots of love to you during the adjustment!

P.S. Congrats, because this means he is potty trained!!!! That's HUGE!!

Apis Melliflora said...

I love that you love spending time with your little Owlie. There are plenty of Moms out there who can't wait to ship their little ones off to school with no conflicting emotions whatsoever. Continue to savor every moment just as you've been doing all along--bittersweet emotions and all!