We Can Be Builders . . .

Get ready – I’m in one of those deep thinking moods.

My boy Ollie is into blocks right now.  He pulls the basket of blocks out and puts it at my feet by the coffee table.  Then he says ‘Mama’ and points at the table, signaling me that it’s time to build.  With his chubby little hands he brings me blocks one by one and I add them to our tower.  The higher it gets, the more excited he gets. Some days he leaves the structure intact for the kids to see.  Other days he will let it fall so we can start all over again from the bottom.  It’s one of the great joys of my current life as a Mom.

But here’s the deal – I had a conversation with a friend recently wherein she revealed to me that the scrutiny of another woman was weighing her down greatly.  I wanted to tell her to not worry about it.  To put it out of her mind and get on with her life.  But I couldn’t for two reasons.

First, I had been in her shoes – the one on the receiving end of someone else’s judgment, scorn, jealousy, disapproval, etc. and I knew that just like her, I wasn’t able to shake off that horrible feeling that somebody else disliked me and the way I did things.

Second, I am ashamed to admit that on occasion I have been the one who’s dishing out the negativity, scrutiny, and harsh feelings towards other women. Why? Why do I do that?

I didn’t know what to tell my friend, so I said I was sorry and that I thought she was amazing. Meh.

As I sit and build blocks with Ollie and watch his happiness grow exponentially with the addition of each level, I think of this friend.  And I think of myself.  And I think of all of us who make up the wonderful world of women.

Why can’t we be builders?  Why can’t we raise each other up to higher levels? Why can’t we try, one block at a time, to surround other women with the kind of positive feelings that would exponentially increase their happiness?

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that many {most?} women already suffer in the self esteem department without scathing reviews from other women.  We beat ourselves up enough as it is. And though we are our own harshest critics, we are also the harshest critics of other women – including women we do not even know. It’s time to turn the tide and I feel strongly that I have to make some changes personally to help it happen.

So I’m going to issue you the same challenge I have issued myself.  Today I’m going to ask you to join me in being a builder.  Will you join me this year in trying to lift up other women? It sounds easy, doesn’t it? But I know it won’t be.

It means that we’ve got to decrease the amount of jealousy and envy we feel and replace it with genuine happiness for the good things that happen to other women. This {in my opinion} is one of the great secrets of life: when you have true joy for the successes of others, you get happiness in return.

It means that we’ve got to set aside judgment and remember that we haven’t worn the moccasins that other women wear. We do not know the sorrows and heartaches, trials and troubles that others have faced. Instead let’s search for sympathy and empathy. Let’s agree to look closely at the lives of other women to understand their needs and then try to meet them in some way.

It means that we have to hold our tongues instead of spewing negativity and gossip. Can you imagine the momentous change we could impart if only the women who read THIS BLOG vowed that they would NEVER speak a word of gossip about another woman again? In that idea alone lies immense power.

It means that we’ve got to come to terms with differences in others instead of criticizing them.  Hallelujah that we are not all the same! Celebrate it instead of shying away from it.  Get to know some women that have different interests than you. Give others the chance to get to know what makes you different and unique.

It means we’ve got to redefine what beautiful is.  We’ve got to stop paying attention to photo shopped pictures of women with personal stylists on magazine covers and start looking at the gorgeous REAL women who surround us every day. They are the ones who should inspire and intrigue us.

These are just a few small steps, but I think they can make a difference.

When Ollie’s tall tower of blocks comes tumbling down, he usually puts his hands on his cheeks and declares “Uh Oh!” There is usually a moment of fussing or crying before we clean up the mess and start to put it all back together.

There are women out there whose towers have fallen, knocked down by other women, or crumbling marriages, or children in trouble, or emotional, physical and mental pain. They are feeling that uh-oh feeling.  They may be crying and fussing.  And they need you and me to help them clean up the mess and put things back together.

Will you join me? Will you be a builder? If you are willing to accept my challenge, how about letting me know with a comment. Just think of it as adding a block to my tower today.

PS. Throughout the coming months I’d like to highlight how women are being builders of other women. I hope you’ll join me.