Image courtesy of Jawra.comI ran into a next door neighbor at Target yesterday while we both perused the cold cereal aisle. The conversation went something like this:
She: Hey there!
Me: Well hello there neighbor. How funny that we're both shopping for cereal at the exact same time! (a glance into her cart, a glance into mine - no surprise - I'm the meaner mom.) How are you doing?
She: I'm good. Wow, you look really tired today. How are YOU doing?
Me: Mumble, mumble, I'm not wearing make up today, blah, blah, blah I didn't do my hair because it's raining, yadda, yadda and I'll see you later.
After thinking about this conversation during the rest of my grocery trip (and after the kids got home from school, then again as I was falling asleep) I have to ask for some reader input on this one:
Why on earth do we tell people they look tired?
Even if they do! I am guilty of this one. I have said it to family, friends, mere acquaintances who are parents of my kids classmates. And I am vowing here and now to never say it to someone again!
While I'm sure it was said to me in sincerity with relation to my crazy decision to have a fourth child and my growing midsection, the only thing it actually did was make me feel miserable about myself, my appearance and the fact that YES, indeed, I AM TIRED but I don't want to wear it on my sleeve or have it written in dark circles under my eyes!!!!
I imagine the conversation differently, with the neighbor leaving out the tired part and just asking me how I was doing. I could divulge as much or as little as I'd like concerning my lack of sleep. I could tell her that I feel great - which I do most of the time- and that things are going really well.
Or I could tell her that I am a bit tired and she could just think in her mind "Yep, you look it" but not tell me. Then she could go home and bake me brownies to help with my exhaustion and leave them on my doorstep with a note that says, "These will help you sleep."
I guess the point of my rant is this: I need to make a more conscious effort to say things to other people that are meant to build and lift them up. And when I have something to say that doesn't do that, I need to keep my thoughts to myself. I need to pay careful attention to those around me and try to meet there needs without making them feel bad about their situation. And finally, I need to wear make up and do my hair every day until this baby is born. Stink.
8 comments:
You're being too hard on yourself, my dear! We all need hairdo, make-up free days for sanity.
Maybe your neighbor was a bit too honest or maybe she was trying to extend sympathy, as in "You're pregnant, you must be tired, how can I help?"
Even without make-up, with a pregnant belly, with wavy hair, with circles under your eyes, you are 100% beautiful!
People have been saying that to me my whole life and usually I'm not tired just tired looking.
Rainy day, no makeup or hair do, hubby gone, upper sensitve... you probably were a bit tired, I'm sure your neighbor meant well.
Hang in there cause soon you will be really tired but happy tired because you'll have a new baby boy.
the response should have been. well i'm carrying a human life in my body, why are you so tired?
but.....maybe i'm mean :)
Hang in there. I feel your pain. My favorite comment is "Wow, you're really getting big!" Well, thanks, I hadn't noticed that. I just thought all my clothes must be shrinking. Usually I just smile and move on. :)
2nd question to never ask: When you due? I had the post office lady ask me that after my 2nd was born. (6 weeks to be exact) I had a big shirt on and was carrying my 1st on my hip, my lovely gut must have been mistaken for a prego belly. Never ask, never. Talk about a self esteem killer!!!
Brownies always help me sleep. =)
Don't feel alone. All women everyone (the ones that can't afford a stylist and a make up artist) say today it's just not worth energy and effort to put on make up and a do. I'm guilty as charged at least once a week.
I so understand this sentiment...when I struggled w/my health for those many years...people would invariable say that to me whenever I had no makeup on or hair done. So then it was awful because rather than getting support, I always felt worse about my situation. Not only did I always feel poorly, but people confirmed the fact that I also looked like crap. Not only did I get the "you look tired" comment, but the "you don't look well, are you sick?", and even "you have a grey caste, you must not be doing so well" (from a bishop).
Hang in there...I'm tired too. I just found out I'm anemic...
Two words: voodoo doll.
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