July 5, 2010

Readers Weigh In . . .

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Should I keep blogging?  Just kidding – although some days I do ask myself that question.  Then I go a few without writing and I feel like I have all this pent up emotion needing to be released and the blog comes through every time.

Today I’m  thinking about sleepovers after a conversation I had with two friends last night.  One of the reasons summer is so special for Hannie B. is that she meets up with the two girl cousins her age {one on each side of the family} and finally gets to have a few sleepovers.

What?  What’s that you say – no sleepovers?  Let me remind you that I hold the title of Meanest Mom On The Planet.  And since my one desire in life is to make my children miserable I have teamed up with my trusty partner, The Hubby, to ruin their lives.

Since Hannie B. was the ripe old age of seven we’ve been getting invites to sleepovers.  When the first one came, the Hubby and I had to sit down and seriously consider how we felt about this childhood {shoul-be-teenager} rite of passage.

And what we decided was that sleepovers weren’t for us.  We’ve been unpopular ever since.

The amazing thing is that not only to we get whining and persistence from our children, but we also get pressure, questions and ‘negative energy’ from other parents who don’t agree with our choice and can’t  or won’t understand and respect our decision.

And you may be shaking your head right now too, thinking “You are lame mean parents.”

Here are a few of the reasons we made our decision:

  • No sleep {or no good sleep} happens at sleepovers.  And when our kids get no {or no good} sleep, they are crabby and unbearable.
  • While no good sleep is happening at sleepovers, other things do happen, and they usually fall under the category of 'irresponsible, unchaperoned and entirely stupid’. Both the Hubby and I could name multiple stupidities from our youth that occurred at sleepovers.
  • The thought of our children, and particularly our daughter, sleeping in someone else’s home, no matter how trusted a friend the family may be, is unsettling to me. This world is just too scary for that.
  • The opposite side of that coin is that we don’t ever want to put my husband in a situation where another child could claim he’d done anything inappropriate around them {which he wouldn’t, but still – better to avoid even the possibility.}

So, currently our position on sleepovers is this:  Our children may ‘lateover’ at a friends house.  This means they can stay until 10:30 or 11:00, at which time we will bring them home to sleep comfortably in their own beds.  If invited to a sleepover, our children have been given our permission to make us the ‘heavy’, hate our decision and tell their friends how lame we are.  We will explain our policy to any questioning parents. Then, when cousins come around in the summer, our children can sleepover as much as they’d like.  I’ve found that usually after two or three nights of horrible sleep, our kids reconfirm our decision by acting like total wackadoo zombies.

Thud.  That was me jumping off my soapbox.  Now I want to know what you think about sleepovers.  What is your family’s policy?

{photo of Hannie B. & cousin W.B.C. taken at Carlson family reunion.}

24 comments:

Kasey said...

This is a topic we were just discussing in our home the other day. Stella loves to have sleep overs at Grandma's house. It's convenient b/c G-ma is 7 house down from us. She gets dropped off in the golf cart in the morning. She has even slept over at my girlfriend's house along with her best friend. I agree, they don't get good sleep. She is cranky the following morning, and takes an afternoon nap to get through the rest of the day.
I went to many sleepovers as a child/teenager. Some were good, some were trouble.
I understand the concern now a days about (you can never be too safe.)
I think that we are going to hold the same policy. Friend sleepovers no, family sleepovers yes. I will join your lame parent club in a couple of years I'm sure.

Apis Melliflora said...

We don't have a policy yet. So we're listening closely and taking notes. Sleepovers at Amma & Papa's are all that's occurred so far. I think lateovers are a great compromise; they get the best of both worlds: staying up late with friends, sleeping in one's own bed at home with family.

Sue said...

As I read this I have a tent set up in Lily & Amelia's room full of three 8 year olds. They are Nate cousins (our adopted family here in Cokeville) so I feel like it's a family sleepover. I 100% agree with all of your reasons for avoiding sleepovers. I just don't want to go there with my daughters.

Our policy is that Lily can have a sleepover at OUR house, and only if her Dad is not here. If it's at my house I can monitor what's going on. And like you & hubby, Dan and I don't ever want to face the possibility of false accusations.

I think you have chosen wisely. I like the late-over concept and I'll be stealing it in the future.

AllisonK said...

We don't have sleep overs for the exact reasons (except with cousins and only rarely) you posted here. It was rough at first but now it's an established rule and now it's fine. People already think we are strange, so I figure what's one more thing right?

Susan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LJB said...

So glad you brought this topic up because we have the same policy as you--no sleepovers except with family (grandparents and cousins) for the EXACT same reasons! I have received much opposition from my children and neighbors but still I do not budge on this. I feel very strongly that the things that are fun like watching movies, eating junk food, giggling, playing games, etc can all be done before midnight. I allow my children to have what we call "latenights" and so far that has satisfied. It is hard sometimes to go pick her up from a party where all the other girls are staying overnight but thems the breaks! I am glad to hear I am not the only "mean" mom in the world! Us mean moms have to stick together! Ha, ha!

The Queen Vee said...

I concur with your sleepover/late night decisions!

Anonymous said...

This is a good subject. I have a 12 year old son. He gets invited also, but being the paranoid mom that I am, I said no. The only kids we let him do this with are the kids of our life-long friends. This has caused some hard conversations when his other friends found out that there are exceptions. I guess we are in the Mean Parents Club with you. I now have the dilemma of a Boy Scout Camping Trip. The whole troop is going for ONE WEEK!! My husband is actually considering going with him as a volunteer chaparone. That is the only way I would allow it. It is sad in todays world you have to take precautions, but that is how I sleep peacefully at night.

Christa said...

This is a good subject. I have a 12 year old son. He gets invited also, but being the paranoid mom that I am, I said no. The only kids we let him do this with are the kids of our life-long friends. This has caused some hard conversations when his other friends found out that there are exceptions. I guess we are in the Mean Parents Club with you. I now have the dilemma of a Boy Scout Camping Trip. The whole troop is going for ONE WEEK!! My husband is actually considering going with him as a volunteer chaparone. That is the only way I would allow it. It is sad in todays world you have to take precautions, but that is how I sleep peacefully at night.

Christa said...

Sorry for the double comment.

Anderson Zoo Keepers said...

I had this whole long response written and it got dumped when I tried to post it.

DOH

The nutshell is - same rules about slumber "parties" but we do have kids occasionally stay here or my kids will sometimes stay with very trusted friends because of a parent's need. I don't think that's the same thing though since multiple kids from multiple families are not invited and house rules still apply as far as bedtimes. Also, we have very close next door neighbors and 3 or 4 times we've let the kids set the tent up in the backyard or let them sleep in the garage. But again, house rules still apply and I don't sleep until they do (did you know parents sometimes go to sleep first? that's nuts)

And cousins - that's whatever. When we have cousins come or my kids go to cousins, the house rules still apply. I treat them like my own kids and expect the same from the other families. Its fun to have a cousin over in it's own right but no need to bring crazed, grumpy kids into the mix.

My rules on ALL birthday attendance is strict. After unintentionally letting Trenton go to a party where the mom was having her own party on the side with random adults and alcohol, my kids aren't allowed to go to any party unless I know the parents very well, what the standards are in that home, and who is going to be in attendance. Just as many problems can arise in a 2-3 hour party as can overnight.

Elise said...

We just had our first expirence with this two weeks ago. We let our oldest go stay with my husbands cousin and his son, I was NOT comfortable with the situation but I let him go anyway...I was a BASKET CASE the entire time he was gone. Everything was fine but next time I'm listening to my intuition and he will stay home. For his safety and my sanity!!! For now the kids are beyond thrilled to stay with grandma, and that is fine with me. Besides they have the coolest grandma on the planet.
I agree on the birthday party thing, only if I know the family well. We have recieved random birthday party invitations, where I don't know the child or the parents...into the garbage they go!! Can I join the mean parents club?

MelancholySmile said...

We have a 'no sleepover' policy as well. Even family is pretty limited-- usually it's only when J and I are out of town and we let the kids split up between cousins and grandparents. Just last week,

Little Miss C had her first negative reaction from a friend. The friend totally freaked out and said she wasn't allowed to 'only stay until 10pm-- if you don't stay overnight, don't come at all." It was hard for her. But J and I stick by our decision. Between the two of us and our loved ones, we've had/seen too many bad/unfortunate things happen to make it worth it.

So glad we're not alone in this!

Amanda Nelson said...

This is coming from someone who has no kids but I thought I would add my two cents. I have sleepovers all the time when I was younger. My parents didn't allow them till I was eight, but after that they were fine with it, but there had to be certain rules. The parents had to be home, we could not sleep over alone, and they had to be someone we knew, which it always was. I know there is this huge concern about inappropriate things going on, but really there has to be some trust here. I came out just fine, and so did many of my friends and we had sleepovers all the time. Of course, I don't have any kids, so my opinion is different.

Julie said...

Okay, I need to say something because my daughter did not have sleep overs "all the time". She only went to friends houses that we knew VERY WELL. The other friends it was a late night, but not sleep over. I do remember going to meet one parent to "check out" the family before I would allow my daughter to go to the party at all. Later I worked very closely with this woman in a church calling and it was confirmed that she had a great family.
Regardless, you will have to have a talk sometime about what can happen and how your child should react to these situations, because they will be exposed to everything at onetime or another in their lives, and they need to have a clue...

Tobi said...

Sleepovers at a close relatives house is fine. Sleepovers with friends are so not happening. I don't know if we will enforce this rule forever. But for now I'm with you. No sleepovers with friends.

Suzanne C said...

Grandma and Aunt Debbie's house ONLY! We have had a couple of kids over here, but they and their parents know we have some rules. If they haven't liked it, they haven't come. I just really prefer to know what's going on. Safety is an issue. You can never be too careful.

Emily said...

We don't do sleepovers either, except for cousins for the same reasons. Glad we're not the only mean parents out there.

Burton's blog said...

We are no sleepover floks also. Luckily for us, many of our friends are also. We have even banned cousin sleepovers, because of a bad experience. Just easier to put a blanket rule on all sleepovers. My next project is to ban scout campouts! For all of your forementioned reasons. This is why my son is 1 merit badge away from an Eagle scout. Yep, its the camping merit badge. He is at scout camp as we speak and I cannot wait for Brady to get up there tomorrow morning and report back!
Stay strong on the sleepover rules. You are the only one that has to answer for the aftermath of a bad situation.

jd said...

I don't have kids, and I MYSELF don't like sleepovers. Why would I want to stay on a couch at a friend's house when I can sleep in comfort in my own bed? When the fun and activities are over, then I leave. Because during the sleeping hours, there's nothing happening anyway. And if there's NO sleeping because people are still hanging out, you're just too tired. My friends all feel the same way. So I can imagine that I'd think that way for my KIDS--

Aiketa said...

Hi everyone,

I'm 22 years old Catalan girl (Spain), not a mother yet. I've done sleepovers at some friends and family's, since I was 14 years old and never had a bad experience.
I don't understand what kind of a bad experience you are worried about for your children to expirience while in someone else house. I am not judging anyone, just wondering what worries you. Could anyone explain it to me?

AmberLee said...

thank you for this. loved your bullet points. we just started having this conversation with my 7-year-old. we totally agree with your rules. my SIL and her friends have told us some stories way scarier than the toilet-papering and bra freezing that we used to do. we haven't had an invite yet, but thanks to you, I will be strong! i'm so surprised other parents haven't been understanding.

Jennifer said...

Oh man, I am so glad to read that I am no the only mean mom out there!

I agree. This world is a much scarier place than it was when we were girls. I did many stupid things at sleepovers. I don't even want to know the things that are done now!

Sleepovers are for family and family-friends only. I also never let them go to parties unless I know the parents. Like really know them! It is a hot subject in our house because all invitations go directly to the trash.

"BUT MOMMY!"
"But what? You are 8 years old and I don't want to hear about it!"

lee kriel said...

No, I already have that title! I too am the meanest mom for not allowing sleepovers....except with cousins. And for all the same reasons you listed. I am happy to hear I am not alone....although I sometimes feel very isolated in my decision among my peers. Hmmm. Oh well.

Thanks for the topic....