The Dress …

This girl.

Why has she changed so much in the past six months? Everyone we know comments about it. She looks different. She looks older. Even my dad has noticed it. She’s turning into a young woman. She really is beautiful inside and out.

For the past six months she and I have been on the hunt for a pretty, youthful, modest dress that she could wear to the Eighth Grade Dance. It was not an easy task. Do you want to know what our qualifications were? It needed to be knee length. Most dresses now are about mid-thigh length or SHORTER. It needed to have sleeves. Most dresses now are either strapless, one shouldered, or spaghetti straps. It needed to be age appropriate. She is fourteen, not Beyoncé at the Grammys. And it needed to cover her midriff. Does it seem strange to you that I even had to type that sentence? There are dresses out there now that have all sorts of cutouts, making the dresses look more like bikini style tops. Ew.

Now I am going to say something that sounds mean and judgmental, but it’s how I feel – I don’t want my fourteen year old daughter to look like a cheap hooker or stripper at the Eighth Grade Dance! I cannot believe some of the dresses I have seen on girls Hannie B’s age. There, I said it!

So with those four qualifications, we set out looking. Most dresses that met our four rules were just not cute. At all. Please, somebody out there who’s a designer . . . make beautiful dresses for girls like mine who want to look cute, fashionable and modest at formal and semi formal dances!

We finally found a dress at ModCloth.com after looking at thousands of dresses. I wanted to poke my eyes out near the end. This dress was not inexpensive. It ran us a little over $100. When I shared the cost with The Hubby, he and I agreed that we cannot put a price on the importance of modesty for our daughter, so I bought it. When it came I was thrilled with the quality. Even better, it fit the girl child like a glove. She felt like a princess. A beautifully modest princess!

Now for the sad part of our story. A week before Hannie B and I were to head to New York City for Mother’s Day we found out that the dance was going to be held while we were gone. Bad advertising on the part of the school. They had never released the date of the dance until a week before! I gave Hannie B the option to stay home and go to the dance, but she chose to go with me to NYC instead of going to the dance. So she didn’t get to wear her dress after all. She told me we could send the dress back, but instead I told her she should wear it every chance she gets. These pictures are of her before church yesterday! I’m so proud of the choices she’s making. I’m so glad she didn’t settle for just any old dress, but kept looking until she found one that met our expectations and looked stunning on her. This girl of mine. She is a princess. And she knows who her King is.

Confessions and Wishes …

Today’s a good day because I feel like writing. It’s going to be free form and crazy. Bear with me. Random thoughts will begin spewing . . . now:

• I haven’t washed my hair in five days. That may seem gross, but my sister-in-law who’s a hair dresser assures me it’s not only good for my hair, but also awesome for getting good styles. All that dirt holds product, curl, and whatever else I want to do to it well. Cheers to dirty hair!
• It rained so hard last night, all night, that I couldn’t sleep. I was part annoyed, part enamored. The sound of rain pounding outside and on my roof makes me feel so cozy and happy. It is soothing to my soul. And today everything is so green I can hardly stand it.
• Owlie is starting to say the most lovely prayers. He thanks God for Jesus Christ, the Gospel, our bodies that can do amazing things, and of course starts every prayer with thanking Him for our family, food and friends. The three F’s are super important around here!
• My oldest took his first AP test yesterday. In July we will learn whether or not he’s earned college credit. I’m crying right now because I just wrote a sentence about college and my kid. WAAAAAAAA!
• The sweet Hubby is telling his company of five years today that he is leaving. It’s a big and exciting change for our family. I love that man something fierce! He works so hard.
• I did nothing yesterday but read a book. Give the Lunar Chronicles a try if you like young adult fiction. Or if you like Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel or Snow White. Or if you happen to like aliens. Marissa Meyer is the author. Cinder, Scarlet, and Cress are the books.
• I’m on day 54 of this “Bikini Body Mommy” exercise regimen. I’ve missed only one day. I have surprised myself. I think the Hubby is surprised too. I have 36 more days and then I am going to start it again. I like it because it’s FREE, I can do it at my house and the only equipment I need is free weights and an interval timer. Last night I ran 1300 stairs. That was the entire workout. BOOM!
• I am loving roasted broccoli, sautéed zucchini and anything involving peppers right now. I am trying to embrace veggies. We are even growing some zucchini out back and it’s looking good so far.
• May has been the month of trips for me: a quickie to see my sister in Ohio (therapeutic), a girls weekend in NYC (the most exhausting kind of fun), and next week our yearly jaunt to the beach in Delaware for Memorial Day.
• Laundry is the devil. It never ends. I can’t keep up. I love folding, hate putting away. My kids throw every single thing into the dirty clothes. Sometimes they throw perfectly clean laundry I’ve folded and put on their bed right into the dirty clothes. Help. Me. Please.
• Here are a few things I’m wishing. I’m wishing the gray hairs would stop growing on my head. I’m wishing my kids will do well finishing up the school year (18 days). I’m wishing Owlie never ever stops coming in to snuggle me first thing in the morning. I’m also wishing he’d learn to wipe his own bum and ride a two wheeler. I’m wishing for blue skies and pollen to be gone. I’m wishing my time with my brother’s family wasn’t short lived before their impending move to Utah. I’m wishing happiness and peace to you all today!

And that’s what I felt like writing about today. Here’s my boy making one last wish (notice pinkies up)!

A Picture Says So Much …

If ever a picture were worth a thousand words, this picture would be it.

There are pictures with fake smiles for days. These are true, no kidding, genuine smiles. Actually these are laughs. Because in this picture we are laughing. And we are laughing hard! Hannie B. and I were trying to take a quick shot before we headed off on a little adventure together in New York City. Owlie didn’t want to miss out. What he really wanted was to get on the train with us or hide in our suitcase. Sadly for him, it was a girls only trip. So instead he repeatedly photobombed us by popping his head in between us every single time we tried to take a picture. By then end we were all laughing so hard we had to stop trying or I was going to wet my pants (bad way to start any trip).

I am so glad I kept snapping the camera. I am so glad I caught this perfectly happy moment forever. The look on all three of our faces says a thousand words. And they start with WE ARE HAPPY TOGETHER.

It Was Mom …

Of all the things I get to do, being a mom is the most difficult and most rewarding. The waking in the middle of the night to a scared child or the mopping up vomit at 4:00 in the morning are reminders that it is my twenty-four hour a day, three hundred sixty-five days a year chosen profession.

There are times it makes my want to pull my hair out. There are times when I laugh so hard that I pee my pants. There are times I lose my patience and my temper and scream. There are times when I want to shout on the roof tops for joy. And there are times when I sink to my knees in despair and beg God to help me do it right because I am just not fit to be a mom and I don’t want to mess these kids up forever.

Through it all I know and have always known since the minute that first baby left my body and was placed in my arms, that this is what I was meant to do. My life’s work is to raise four amazing children in this crazy and somewhat troubling world. My job is MOM.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I hope you’ll enjoy this video that was produced by my two brothers’ company for Mother’s Day. And then go give your mom a heartfelt thank you for doing the hardest job on the planet.

I love you, Mom!

{picture of me and Owlie after I’d removed a sliver from his finger}

A Laryngitis Letter…

Dear Wonderful Person Reading This:

I have lost my voice.

For the past few weeks I’ve come to this little place of mine with the intention of speaking in the form of writing and my voice has been weak, shaky, or altogether gone.

I love this blog. I love the people I’ve met and reconnected with through writing it. I have felt one of God’s gifts to me being manifested as I’ve shared my thoughts, feelings and musings in my little corner of the internet for seven years.

But I have always known that if I ever came to a place where the things I wanted to say ceased coming easily and I couldn’t translate my thoughts into words, I would have to step back and reevaluate why I was here and what I was doing.

I have come to that place. I am experiencing blogger’s laryngitis and it is painful.

Mostly it hurts because I feel like I am letting other people down. My family, whose record this is, several of my friends who are devoted readers, and many of you whom I’ve never met in person, but have come to love over these years as you have lifted me up with your kindness and generosity in simply coming here to read what I have to say.

It also hurts because I feel a deep sense of loss. Why am I stumbling with my words and thoughts now? What if I don’t ever get back in to a “groove” of regular writing? Why is this even happening? This blog has been a place of security for me for so long, like a true friend I know I can always turn to when I’ve got something to say and need a good listener. Now it feels like the used to be good friend I’m avoiding like the plague.

So what does this mean? Well, the very fact that I’m posting this late in the afternoon (gasp!) and on a Friday (for shame!), means I’m hoping none of you will be mad at me or sad at me until at least Monday. It means that I will no longer be disappointed in myself for not being on a regular five posts a week schedule. It means that I will be happy enough if I post once a week, twice a week, or not at all in a week. It means that many of you may stop stopping by, and I understand that because the world of blogging is a world of consistency.  It means that I am going to refocus, reenergize and then reunite with this blog only when I do not look at the computer with guilt or heaviness and think, “Oh man, I have to blog” but instead think, “I’ve got something to share that I’m excited about or think is really important.”

Thank you for being a reader of my words. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for understanding that I have put a whole lot of myself into this place I love.

Please forgive me that I am not what I was. And be patient as I become who I should be.

With Sincerity, The Dragonfly (Samantha Lee)