I’m feeling a bit like this.
And when I feel like this – a bit exhausted and sucked dry of life – I need to take time to refocus. Spend time with my family. Reexamine my priorities. Relocate my gratitude. Rejoice in my blessings.
Next week I’ll do just that. Then I’ll be back to writing. I hope you’ll join me.
{Image from the shore of Lake Erie 2008}
Yesterday was an epic disaster in the mothering realm for me. It may have had something to do with Owlie hunting down red nail polish and then painting the bathroom with it. Maybe.
I should have known at breakfast it how it was gonna to go down.
“Owlie, here’s your milk.”
“Not dat kine.”
“Yes, this kind.”
“No. I no like dat.”
And so the battle of the wills began. He fought me on any and everything from that point on.
Him: “No change my diaper.” Me: “So you want to sit in poop?”
Him: “I be nakey. No pants.” Me: “It’s only 45 degrees outside.”
Him: “I no like my tools. I want Daddy’s hammer.” Me: “Not ever going to happen.”
The battle came to a head when he pushed a chair up to the counter for the fiftieth time to try and reach The Hubby’s tools {recently moved to a high shelf for this very reason}. I pushed the chair back to the table with a firm, “NO”. He persisted and pushed it back to the counter.
I told him he shouldn’t do it. I reminded him gently that this wasn’t going to go well for him and that he could get hurt. I then watched him pull the small electric screwdriver out of the tool box and drop it on his own head.
I really wanted to say “I told you so.” But there was crying and a small goose egg so I kicked into loving mama mode and carried him up to his room to calm down.
Five minutes later he came down the stairs, said “I happy now, mama,” and that was that.
I felt pretty exasperated and muttered out loud, “Owlie, what am I going to do with you?” Then the light bulb went off in my head.
How many times has my Heavenly Father gently reminded me, “Don’t do that. You really shouldn’t go there. This is not going to end well for you if you choose to ignore my advice on this matter.” ? Let’s just say it has been many times. Too many times for me to count.
I’m sure He is up there shaking His head or even banging it against a heavenly wall while muttering, “Samantha, what am I going to do with you?”
His wisdom is greater than mine. I know He wants only what is best for me. And yet I constantly battle – His will against mine – hoping that one day my will will win. Often after pushing my will against His I get hurt. Not usually physically, but emotionally or spiritually. Yet he never tells me, “I told you so.” Instead He patiently waits for me to come to Him after a self imposed time out. When I submit to His will I am “happy now”.
All these little moments we experience as parents are a window into what it must be like for our Heavenly Parent. I am learning so much, still, and am trying harder to not engage in my own battle of the wills.
Two months ago I was asked to do the design work for an event so large in scale it overwhelmed me. But I said yes hoping that God would direct my path as I designed a logo and all of the publicity for the event.
Our Stake {12 wards or congregations} has partnered with six other community churches for the “Love Your Neighbor, Feed Your Neighbor” project – an effort to collect 120,000 pounds of food for local food banks in our county. The “big event” culminates on May 12th.
The county we live in was just given the lofty title of “Richest County in the Nation”, yet we still have almost 20,000 people who are food insecure. One in every six children in our county doesn’t know if they’ll get a next meal. I can’t even think about that without crying.
Scouting for Food usually helps fill food banks and pantries in the Winter months, but during the Summer many of the food banks shelves are empty, which is doubly sad because many of the school kids who’ve been getting subsidized breakfast, lunch and a weekend backpack of food will go hungry during the Summer.
So, I’ve joined this crusade and have been working tirelessly to help get the word out. Our family will drop bags and fliers off on all the doors in two neighborhoods next weekend. On the 12th we will go back around and pick up donated food. As a family we have committed to donating enough food to equal the poundage of our children’s combined weight.
If you live in the Loudoun County area, please consider giving food to this worthy cause. After all, isn’t every human our neighbor in God’s eyes?
To read more about the Love Your Neighbor, Feed Your Neighbor Project, click here.
We have two dogwood trees in our yard that due to location do not flower at the same time. This results in me staring out first my kitchen and then my dining room windows for weeks during Spring because I’m slightly obsessed with the blooms on the trees.
This year I’ve cut a few flowering branches, hammered the ends to allow the them to drink in the most water and placed them in bottles or vases around the house. They’ve lasted longer than any flowers from a shop and are a gorgeous reminder of all that is going on outside . . . without me.
See, I have a love/hate relationship with Spring. I am head over heels for the green, lush beauty and the flowering branches, vines and stems. But I am riddled with allergies which the very beauty I love to look at produces in the form of pollen.
We’ve had very little rain this year which means the pollen count is at an all time high. I certainly feel it each morning as I wake in a daze and can’t quite shake the grogginess for hours. When I finally do shake it I begin the sneezy, itchy eyed marathon that lasts until I lay my head down again at night.
I’m not myself during the Spring. It seems cruel that when everything is waking and new, I feel sleepy and old.
How about you? Is Spring your friend or foe?
This fellow strips naked and stealthily sneaks into his brother’s room to listen to his MP3 player.
Meanwhile, I’m busy about the house and suddenly I realize it is too quiet. Then I run! What has he gotten into now?
On this day, thankfully, there was no destruction. Just a bruised up boy using the speakers like they were earphones {so much for being able to hear} to bebop to a little Jack Johnson.
Unfortunately, in the last two weeks there has been MUCH destruction at the hands of Owlie. We’ve entered a new phase around here. One that involves Houdini-like efforts to successfully outsmart child locks and horrific scenes of carnage using ingredients such as nail polish remover and bottles of hand sanitizer.
To say he is testing me as a mother would be putting it mildly.
Can somebody please explain to me what is up with the wanting to be naked thing? I don’t get it. It’s cold in this house and the boy is SKINNY.
Weird kid.
It’s Friday again, which means I am headed back to the Middle School to dress teenagers for the play. I can’t lie, I’m pretty much exhausted from another week without my Hubby and severe allergies. I hope there isn’t too much drama behind the drama tonight because I can’t handle it.
I’m loving this picture of my darling thespian. The school paid a local professional photographer to come in an shoot all the headshots for the cast and crew of the show. They turned out quite nicely. Nice enough that we ended up purchasing some of Hannie’s shots in lieu of a regular school photo.
Here’s my girl in color:
When I look at these pictures, I don’t see a little girl anymore. And then the motherhood sadness creeps in just a bit. So hard and wonderful to watch our kids grow and change and become the people they are meant to be. I love it. And I dread it. That, my friends, is the cruel trick of motherhood: no matter how hard we try to stop it, the show must go on.
{Photos by the talented Jennifer Anderson}
My mother gave me this little book as a birthday gift back in February. It is about the size of my outstretched hand.
Speaking from a design perspective, I think the cover is absolute perfection. It’s vintage and modern. The fonts are to die for. It’s got gorgeous gilded pages. And I don’t mind it sitting on my night stand because it’s so pretty to look at.
Speaking from a concept perspective, I think the idea behind this journal is SHEER GENIUS! I used to be such a devoted journal writer. Then I had kids.
This journal has a question for each day and a few lines where you write your response. There are enough lines for five years worth of responses. I am excited to compare my answers over the years.
I love this journal so much, I just bought one and gave it to my friend Ronalin for her birthday. We had a good laugh when we looked at the question of the day on her birthdate: “What do you think is your biggest shortcoming?” Happy Birthday!
I think this is a perfect little gift for a friend – pretty and practical. Would you be an effective journal writer with a journal like this?
A week and a half ago my trusty UPS man left a small package on my doorstep. Inside was Stephanie Nielson’s new book “Heaven Is Here”.
It was Spring Break, my kids were all home and happily occupied so I took the very precious liberty of sitting down on the couch to read it straight through in four hours.
It was an emotional experience. I laughed hard enough for my kids to wonder what was so funny. I sobbed hard enough that I couldn’t see the words on the pages. And mostly I marveled at the power and determination of one woman whose greatest desire in life is to be an able mother and wife.
I feel more grateful and aware having read this book. I will never take the basic functions of my healthy body for granted again. I will never look at a disfigured person the same again. I will never approach a trial the same way again. I will spend more meaningful time with my children and spouse and family. I will spend more time strengthening my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I will spend more time finding and cultivating inner beauty.
Do you need to be inspired? Do you need to be reminded how much God loves you? Is your life hard right now? Do you feel like you can’t handle the burdens that are yours? Are you exhausted from the daily grind of mothering and running a home? Do you need that extra push to reach a personal goal?
Please read this book. It will kindle in you a new hope, touch your heart and bring you joy.
It fits my definition of a great book: I couldn’t put it down, once I did I couldn’t get it out of my mind, and it has changed me for the better. “Heaven Is Here” will be going on my bookshelf to be reread yearly.
There’s a small bookshelf in my bedroom that contains some of my favorite possessions – all the strange and fascinating clay sculptures my kids have made in their art classes over the years.
It usually starts with the humble pinch pot. I’ve received one from each of my school aged peeps. The first was a Mother’s Day gift. Another was found in the bottom of a backpack during a clean out. The last was clutched in tiny hands behind a certain boy’s back while he grinned with pride at the surprise he had for me.
I’ve got a special place in my heart for this little bluebird. He’s so happy I can almost hear him tweeting. And the shell dish has sentimental meaning because it’s an impression from a shell we collected at the beach.
I know these creations aren’t perfect in their artistic form and style, but they are perfect to me. They don’t “go” with the aesthetic of my house or bedroom – they are garishly loud in color, some of them kind of creepy looking and most of them wonky in all other respects, but every time I look at that shelf I feel so loved and happy.
I’ve run out of room on this particular shelf and I still have little Owlie to go through elementary school, but I’ll make room on another shelf for his handmade lovelies.
Do you have a shelf of curiosities?
Here’s Hannie B. moments before the big show. I specifically chose this hat and dress as her costume because I knew she’d look like a million bucks in it and guess what? She did!
All three shows this weekend were quite fabulous. It’s a miracle considering the whole thing was somewhat a train wreck as late as last Wednesday.
I have to admit that seeing my baby girl in all that makeup really freaked me out. She’s too little. It’s too much. Of course, on stage it doesn’t seem like enough.
We went ahead and added false eyelashes per the director’s request. As soon as I put them on her it was like, “Pow!”. Her blue eyes exploded underneath that fringe of black. I think I have to get me some.
Though I was busy with costume duties during all three shows, I was able to snap a picture of my girl in the wings waiting to make her big entrance.
My Hannie B. is such a sweet and true girl. I love supporting her as she uses her talents to make other people happy. These pictures of her make me really, really happy. And I get to see her in that costume three more times this weekend. Hooray!
Yesterday I was sucked into a vortex of fringe, pincurled hair, pearl necklaces and dropped waist dresses. It pulled me in and did not release its grasp on me until almost 8:00 at night.
If I ever volunteer to do costumes for a play again, somebody needs to come to my house and lock me in a closet for a very long time.
Imagine, if you can, what it is like to outfit seventy twelve to fourteen year old girls in Twenties era clothing.
‘This is too baggy.’
‘Mrs. Lee, I ripped/tore/stepped on my dress.’
‘It’s so long it covers my knees.’
‘I don’t like this color.’
‘How come she gets a dress with fringe and I don’t?’
‘I don’t want to wear my long hair up to make it look shorter.’
‘This hat looks funny on me.’
You want each and every girl to feel beautiful and look amazing. You want every parent to see his or her child on stage and think she’s a star. You want the director to be happy, you want the kids to be happy, you want the parents to be happy, but you’ve got to make all that happiness happen in a very limited amount of time with an almost non-existent budget.
Throw the seventy hormonal, drama prone {and I’m not talkin’ about the theater} girls in the mix and it is a PARTAY.
Before I knew it yesterday, the day was gone and I had been so busy that I hadn’t even had a chance to think about a blog post.
The Twenties . . . apparently they WERE roarin’.
{Image via.}
We tried {and failed} to get a nice picture of all the Lee kids on Easter Sunday. Instead we got twenty mediocre and somewhat hilarious pictures. Here’s what the winner is composed of:
EXHIBIT A – One tweenaged girl in a consignment shop dress who snuck her mom’s lipstick, crossed her legs and sat prim and proper for every single picture.
EXHIBIT B – One teenaged boy who looked like a baby giraffe with his legs folded up to sit on a too small bench and refused to smile with his teeth showing because he didn’t want anyone to see his {shock} braces!
EXHIBIT C – One two year old boy who insisted on plaid and stripes and recently took a faceplant on concrete leaving him with a shiner, a fat lip, a scabby nose and an inability to sit still for even ONE picture.
EXHIBIT D - One brother who needed a haircut and busted out his best fake smile for most of the pictures unless he was being choked by his younger brother {see below}.
If you’ve every tried to get a decent picture of your kids, you know this is nothing new. It is a trial of patience and fortitude. After twenty minutes of trying, the Hubby and I just laughed, told them we were done and then went to church.
We’ll try again next year.
Hannie B. is always looking for a cute new bag to stash her piano books in or her tap shoes for play practice. So a few weeks ago when I was at Costco and I picked up some Basmati rice that came in a gorgeous burlap bag, I decided to surprise her by upcycling it for her with a cute matching lining.
She was super happy when she unzipped it and found a sassy polka dot lining inside.
Here’s the bag straight from the Costco. It already had sturdy handles and a nice zipper.
I loved the bold colors and the great design and branding on the bag. All I needed to do was add a lining.
I found the polka dot fabric on sale at JoAnn’s. I bought half a yard, which was more than enough and cut it down to the size of the bag plus a little extra for side seams and a nice finished edge at the top.
Then I sewed two sides up to make what looked like a little pillow case.
Next I flipped my burlap bag inside out and stuffed it inside the polka dot ‘pillow case’ which was facing right side out.
I tucked the top edge of the polka dot fabric under and pinned it as close to the edge of the zipper as possible.
Once the entire lining was pinned to the burlap bag, I sewed the lining to the bag on my machine. I found that the fabric, bag and zipper were too thick at the far edges to fit through my machine, so I had to hand sew that part which is a little bit of a stretch for me {what? I like straight lines}, but it worked out.
Overall this project took me one hour. The cost of the fabric was $2. Everything else I already had on hand. I can’t wait to eat the rice up and go buy more. Anybody need a cute bag?
This weekend was dandy. I am likening it to finding an egg in a hunt.
I am so in love with this quick shot I captured of Owlie’s chubby hand finding an egg during our cousin’s egg hunt on Saturday.
Do you know what’s great about an egg hunt? It’s got layers of happiness built in.
First, there’s the actual finding of the egg. At our house you never know where your next egg will be. In a tree? Under a dump truck? Nestled in some Day Lily leaves? In the bunny’s hutch? Where ever it is, when you find the egg, you’re instantly happy.
Next, there’s the opening of the egg to see what’s inside. At our house it might be candy. Or if it’s a gold egg, it could be a Ring Pop or a dollar bill. And if you’re the very luckiest and you find the one and only white egg, you get five smackaroos! Happy, happy!
Last of all is the consuming gorging of one’s self on the candy from the eggs. Each bite is delicious {unless of course, you’re eating a black blech jelly bean} and puts smiles on little faces and stickiness on little hands.
My weekend was a great egg of sorts with many layers of happiness. Making Easter fun for my kids = happy. Great weather = realy happy. Delicious food = very happy. Spending time with my family, including my parents, brother, sister-in-law and nephews = super duper happy. Reserving Sunday for focusing on the Savior and his resurrection = the most happy thing of all.
I hope you had a great Easter weekend.
Beyond the candy, the egg hunts, the Bunny and the baskets lies this truth:
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was born, lived a perfect life and died for ME. On the third day He rose, breaking the bands of death and making it possible for ME to live again with my Father in Heaven and my beautiful family. That He lives is the real truth of Easter. Today I rejoice that He did these things for ME!
Do you love donuts as much as I do? It doesn’t matter what kind of donut. Okay, I’m partial to old fashioned sour cream, but I’ll buy a bag of Hostess Donettes any day. Owlie loves them.
Look, he’s shoving an entire donette into his gob while wearing his stripey jammies and socks to boot! Life is good when donettes are a part of it.
This is the face that results from the donettes. Now you know why I bought them. I needed to see this face.
I’ve been seeing lots of smiles this week since it’s Spring Break and all my people are home with me. We aren’t going anywhere, but we’re trying to do something fun every day that doesn’t cost money. Today our cousins are coming over to play and stay for dinner. We’re having tacos. But secretly I wish we were having donettes.
When I made it a goal in January to spend less this year, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Why? Because I really like spending money and I really like buying things. When partnered, these two ‘really likes’ can be a lethal combination.
Today I am ready to admit that prior to setting my goal, I was in a very unhealthy pattern of buying things just because I could {meaning I had the money} and I wanted to. I did this without any thought or accountability.
I have thought a lot about how this behavior may have appeared to my children: irresponsible, selfish, thoughtless. My Hubby and I are both concerned with teaching our children to be judicious in their spending, especially in a world where kids seem to think they’re entitled to any and everything they want. But I was no different in my thinking.
Trying to spend less means that now I am trying to carefully weigh the reasons behind the purchases I make. I literally ask myself, “Is this something I need?” or “Is this something that I just want?” Now there are times, even still, that I have bought something I want. I’m human, people. But I am finding myself more and more walking around a store with a ‘want’ item and then putting it back before heading to the checkout because I realized I just don’t need it. I don’t need another sweater. I don’t need another pillow. I don’t need more craft supplies. And I certainly don’t need another blasted candle!
Before, I bought many things simply because they were a great deal. I have almost completely quit that habit. The lure of the amazing sale is no longer a temptation to me. I’ve learned that many times the items I bought at rock bottom prices ended up in a box heading to the Goodwill after a short period of time. Just because it’s on sale doesn’t mean I need it or will use it or even really like it that much.
I hope you understand that I don’t think there is anything wrong with buying yourself something just because you want it. I think it’s healthy and many times well-deserved. My problem is that I was doing this on too frequent a basis.
This changed way of thinking – buying things on a need basis instead of a want basis – is blessing us in several ways. It means more money goes into our savings, which is always a good thing. It means less junk coming into the house to clutter our lives and spirits. And it means that I am an example to my kids that I don’t get everything I want, I don’t have to have it all right now, and it’s okay.
Do you want to spend less? Defining needs versus wants and then focusing your efforts in this area is a great start. Here are a few of the questions I asked myself to determine if I really understood the difference between needs and wants:
Let me borrow from the 12-Step Programs for a minute and say that if you do a ‘searching and fearless inventory’ about your spending habits by asking these types of questions, it will really open your eyes! I did, and I needed to make some changes.
I took this picture of my blush yesterday because I thought it illustrated a great point: I have a NEED for new blush. My blush is almost completely gone and I am a pale, pale white woman. So I’ll be heading to the makeup aisle of Target to get some new blush. But I won’t be buying any new nail polish because I’ve already got 14 perfectly good half used bottles.
I need blush. I want nail polish. Simple enough, right?
I’ve crossed the threshold. There’s no going back. It is over and done with.
I have downloaded and printed out a picture of Justin Bieber from the internet {I also spelled his name incorrectly, thankyouverymuch.}
Hannie B. had a birthday party to go to on Friday night. Her friend is completely nutso for J. Biebs. Like crazy enough to wear purple on his birthday. Oh, in case you didn’t know, Justin’s favorite color is purple. Hannie B. taught me that. I really am a life long learner.
Hannie B. had this funny idea to give her friend Bieber Fever pills in the way of purple Jelly Bellys. We found a little jar at Home Goods for a steal, filled it with beans and added in two great purple nail polishes along with a wacky pair of purple heart knee-high socks from Target.
The gift was wrapped in an obnoxiously purple bag with purple tissue and purple zebra ribbon. Did I mention that it was all very, very purple? Well, it was.
I’m happy to report that Hannie’s friend LOVED her gift! And so did my wallet at only $15.
Now we just have to cross our fingers that her friend’s Bieber fever isn’t contagious.
On Saturday the Hubby taught RedDog how to crack pecan nuts using only his bare hands. He felt like he was super human.
I could’ve sat and watched him do it all day long. He is always sneaking pecans out of our pantry to snack on. When he learned that he could crack these shells and his effort would produce the most humongous fresh pecans inside, he was giddy. Sometimes the funniest things make this boy jump for joy.
Making me jump for joy was the fact that these gorgeous pecans came off the tree from his Great Grandma Lee’s back yard in Hurricane, Utah and were hand delivered to RedDog by his dad.
Now the question is, do you think I can get him to shell enough for me to use in my Boyfriend Cookie recipe this week? We’ll see.
